Adieu old friend. You were comfy while it lasted.

~

Fare thee well! and if for ever,

Still for ever, fare thee well.

-Lord Byron

~

Dear Big Red,

You were a good ol' couch, and man did I love you. For fourteen years, you stood proud. A beacon of Pottery Barn-esque loveliness, marred only slightly by your second-class Bernie and Phyl's bloodline. You were always bright-eyed. You always welcomed us with open arms. You cuddled us and comforted us and kept us cozy. You welcomed friends and family near and far. From time to time, each of us in turn slumbered on you when the bed seemed just too far away.

And in the later years, you welcomed us at 2 a.m. while we comforted little ear infections and stuffy noses. This, I'm sad to say, was the beginning of the end for you. These little people, you welcomed them as you had welcomed us. They took your invitation to heart, and they, quite literally, loved you to death. Because there you sit, fourteen years later, looking like the scene of a crime while you decorate our curb like yesterday's trash. (Full disclaimer: you were, in fact, sitting there with yesterday's trash. Sorry, man.)

Stay strong, Red. May you be free to comfort others in the afterlife. I wish you happiness. I wish you love. And I wish for you to come back in the next life covered in a nice, washable fabric.

Carry on, old boy. Until we meet again.

Big Red
2001-2014