The very busy toddler

Once, there was a very busy boy. And he was very loud. So very, very loud. But sometimes he was quiet. So very, very quiet. And his mommy needed quiet. She knew quite well that this loud little boy should not be quiet, but sometimes she dared to enjoy a quiet minute - just one - before investigating. And this was never, ever a good idea.

And so the story unfolds...

On Monday, the little boy discovered one roll of toilet paper. And he was very quiet.

On Tuesday, the little boy discovered one tub of Aquaphor. And he was very quiet.

On Wednesday, the little boy discovered one tube of toothpaste. And he was very quiet.

On Thursday, the little boy discovered one bowl of lollipops.

And he was very quiet.

On Friday, the little boy discovered one thermostat. And he was very quiet. (And they were all very cold.)

On Saturday, the little boy discovered one bin of markers. And he was very quiet.

On Sunday, the little boy discovered one bottle of water, one box of crayons, one unlocked door, one empty neighborhood street, one pair of scissors, one toilet brush, one Chapstick and three grill forks from the basement. That day, he was very, very quiet.

The next morning, his mommy decided that she should never enjoy another quiet moment ever, ever again. This was to be for the good of all involved. And so they lived happily ever after in the noisiest house of all time, where the front door would remain forever dead bolted and the counters would forever be cavity-free.

The End.

Here white, there white, everywhere you look white

OK, boys, listen. Dad and I need you to know something about the world. It's life changing, and it's going to alter your outlook forever. Are you ready for it?

Here it is:

You know that thing we call the ground? Well get this: It isn't always going to be white.

No really, we're not lying.

I know, I know. It's been so long that you don't remember. And that's OK. I think it will look familiar to you when you finally do see it again. But just in case you don't, we need to teach you about what it was like so that you too can pass that information on to your own children. You know, in case the ground never shows itself again.

First thing of importance: You know those chains in the backyard? The ones that just disappear beneath the surface and seem to provide no real purpose? There's something at the end of them, down below the layer of white. They're called swings. No, not slings. Swings. Yes, that's right. Now, a swing used to be a really fun thing that you could sit on and then rock back and forth using your legs. Yes, your legs! No, you're right, but it's because you wouldn't have to wear snow pants, so you could actually bend them in order to pump the swing. I promise, I am not lying. You would actually be able to bend your legs outside.

Look closely, kids. If you squint, you can catch a glimpse of the fabled swings.
We took this just before they were fully covered and all hope was forever lost.

There's also this thing called grass. It's like little pieces of green plants that cover the ground. It's soft and you could play on it, and you used to be able to run and run and run on it as fast as you can! Because guess what? The grass does not come up to your knees and hold your legs stuck in place. And you don't even need boots to walk on it! I know it sounds like I'm making this up, but I assure you. There is a grass-covered promised land somewhere out there for you. I need you to swear that if it can never again be found here in Massachusetts, you will one day go out in search of it. It will be well worth the trip. And when you find it, promise you'll take off your shoes and wiggle your toes on it and think of me.

And finally, the best piece of news: the beach. That's right, kids, the beach. You know how you had to wear boots the other day because it was too cold and too slippery? Well, you might still have to wear shoes, it's true. But it's because the sand is...wait for it...TOO HOT! Can you even imagine? A heat source other than a fire? I swear to you, it's a thing to marvel at. What's that? Sand? Well, I guess I should save that for another conversation on another day. I don't want to overload your little brains with too much at once.

Maybe we can talk about that in July, after we get our fleece-lined bathing suits. But yes, sand is amazing.

I hope you can one day have this conversation with your children or your grandchildren about how yes, in fact, the ground was once covered in white.

And I hope they can't even believe it.

That's right, boys. Just keep walking until you find warmth.